The Road
200km/hr on an empty road from one town to another. Friday night.
They told me they’d be waiting at that sometimes bar sometimes club they like. At this point, it’s theirs as much as it is Lando’s, that squirrelly ‘self-made entrepreneur’. They’re the ones who get the girls to show up, after all.
So I’m speeding far beyond nonsensical legalities, because I WON’T arrive to find the lads shackled up with every pretty penny or cutie patootie there already; they never bring enough girls.
Lola’s humming turns to a grunt. My lady doth protest.
“Shh. You know it never lasts between me and the Pretoria girls. But I always come home with you.”
“Just put on a fucking song,” I almost hear her whisper.
“Fine. Cue ‘Everything’ by Jaden.”
“You have a phone. You do it.”
“My hands are kind of occupied. Y’know, the wheel? Your hands? Free.”
“Very funny. I better like it.”
“You like all of my songs. I did make this playlist for us. And that girl. The one I’m waiting for. Maybe I’ll meet her tonight.”
Lola doesn’t hit me, but she almost gets us both killed as the car swerves too close to the currently red light pole.
“Woah woah! It was a joke Lola, god. Six months apart and now you can’t even remember my jokes.”
“Just don’t do her in my backseat.”
“Technically it’s my backseat. But I do love it when you take ownership like that. I won’t do any girls in your backseat, Lōl.”
And then a phone call ruins the first tender moment me and her share in what feels like forever.
“Sup hoss. What’s cutting?”
“Bro, you need to get here now. Stu convinced the whole bar to go topless. Even Lando’s in on it. He’s giving everyone free shots in five minutes.”
215km/hr it is.
“Don’t push it babe. It’s not like I get to drink too. And I’ll have to drive your ass back home if you do. There better be some gas for me when we get there,” Lola says.
“I always hook you up with gas on nights like these. I’ve got you baby.”
“My hero.”
“I’ll ignore that.”
With a perfect park, I step out of my Honda Civic.
“Time to get drunk.”
Lola doesn’t come inside with me, she hates the smell of drunks. Said she’d take the wheels for a spin.
*************************************
“Bro, you made it! This is Ashley. This is Jenna. This is Malaika. Girls, this is the boy. Get acquainted.”
“Hoss. Hey ladies. I guess I should take my shirt off? When do the shots get here?”
“Yours is sitting at our table. Grace is holding onto it.”
“Grace?”
“You’d better introduce yourself quick, Benny’s already making his move. Taking your drink too probably. You’d have liked her.”
“Shit!”
Shirt thrown to hoss’s face, I mozy my way to our table at the back of Lando’s.
“I take it that’s my shot?” I say to the girl who looks as out of place in Pretoria as I do.
“I take it you’re the boy?”
“I take it you’re Grace?”
“I take it it you didn’t drive here?”
“I did,” I say
“Baddish start,” Grace replies.
“It’s okay. Lola’s driving me home.”
“Who’s Lola?”
“My girl.”
“Bad start.”
“I could explain, but I think whatever you probably think right now is way funnier. We don’t hook up.”
“Ohkay. Then why call her your girl?”
“She’s my ride to die.”
“So you’re besties?” Grace asks, handing me the shot.
“Sheeesh! Vodka? Lando’s really squeezing this shirtless thing. A bit more than besties, a bit less than lovers.”
“Oh. You’re one of those?”
“Guess so. So is she gonna be a problem?”
“You’re just funny enough I can overlook it for now. Take a seat.”
“Don’t even say hi anymore eh?”
“Hey Benny. Missed you too. Where’s Stu?”
“Trying to see if he can get the bar pantsless too.”
*************************************
“I’m getting cold,” Grace says, “but I don’t want to be the only one with a shirt on.”
“I’ll match,” I say.
“You’re smoother than the average junkie.”
“Yeah, well, I had to live six months without my fix.”
“So I get you in the afterglow? Luck never fails me, as usual.”
“If you want you have to take it.”
“I take it,” she says, leaning in.
“Classic. I’ll see myself out,” Benny says.
I shoot him a thumbs up mid makeout. We like to pretend there’re hard feelings. But there never are.
“You’re breath doesn’t taste like gas. That’s good.”
“I don’t partake.”
“So there’s some meat on your bones after all,” Grace says.
“I’m not the type to follow that up with another meat joke either.”
"So what’s your fix?” I add.
“Used to fawn over Claude. I grew up. I hyrdo-generate now.”
“A hero? In my midst? I think I stole some of your luck.”
“Luck don’t mean shit if you can’t dance. Take me to a dance spot.”
“It’d be my pleasure. Lola’s driving though.”
“I hope she’s nice about this.”
“Heh. Russian Roulette with her.”
*************************************
“Lola, this is Grace.”
“Greetings.”
“So formal,” Grace says.
“She doesn’t appreciate being spoken about in detached,” I say.
“My bad. Hey Lola, you mind if me and the boy take the backseat?”
I wince.
“Go ahead,” Lola says, “He’s in no state to give directions anyway. So where are we going?”
“Dance spot,” I say. “Can you get us there?”
“As long as I get more gas at the end of this.”
I can tell Grace wants to make another comment, but she keeps it to herself and stifles a chuckle.
The girls I choose are always so prickly... God I love my life.
Needless to say, Grace and I start doing the deed in the backseat five minutes into the drive.
I’m flat on the road before I even realize Lola pulled the ejector seat.
“One rule! No doing girls in our backseat. One rule!” Lola says over the car’s speakers.
“Dude. She’s psycho. I’m out,” Grace says.
“Yeah, well she’s the psycho I chose. Sorry. We’ll drop you off at your house.”
“Sounds good. I don’t know how guys like you do it.”
*************************************
“Can I see you again?” I ask, standing outside of Grace’s driveway.
“No offence, but you’re a bit too Pretoria for my tastes.”
Lola actually laughs through the entirety of the rest of Grace and I’s conversation, so I can’t really remember what we even said. But after our goodbyes I step back into my car and chortle a ‘shut up’ at my still laughing car.
“Guess you and your playlist are stuck with me for now.”
“Yeah yeah yeah. Cue ‘the BLACK seminole’.”
“That’s your hype song. Are you in a good mood or something?”
“Your laugh track breaking is the reason I took you to the shop in the first place. It’s good to hear it again.”
“You and me.”
“Me and you. Let’s get back to the road. Home’s waiting.”
