The American Game of Investment
I wasn’t born in the US. I wasn’t raised in the US. But coming on 5 years in New York, I’ve made a few key observations. I realized one of them within my first year here. It will become important. Of all the key observations I made, there’s always been one clear through-line. I now have the language to name it: Investment.
All observations derived solely based on my experience within New York State.
Americans don’t want to seem invested. When they’re with their friends, sure. When they’re in a college library, an interest just spotted; a dice roll. When they’re on the train…
The first observation I made about American investment started inseparably entwined with a basic part of the human experience. Eye-contact. At some point of being in New York in my first months here, I realized staring at people on the train was bad. That observation has grown into an understanding that within this city, people don’t want to be looked at. Not when they’re going about their daily routines, in the city, walking through the streets. Of course, a particularly good hair-cut, or outfit changes things. Where I feel my observation applies is in the fundamental mundanity of the general New Yorker experience. Staring at people on the train is bad, rightfully so. But I wonder if many Americans have ever questioned exactly why that’s so.
Socialization
We’ll have to go back. To my time before the US. To my childhood growing up in South Africa. I can’t claim to speak for all of my people, but on this point I think most would agree. We look at each others faces. Everywhere. Anytime. Weirdo’s exist everywhere, who we don’t want to look at, or be looked at by. But the general experience is that we just don’t really mind if someone else is looking at us. We might eventually question them, or make a face, but that doesn’t inherently come from a place of disgust or distrust. Of uncomfortability. I lived my whole life never even second guessing this inherent quality of ours. And then I came to the US.
“Socialization is the process whereby an individual’s standards, skills, motives, attitudes, and behaviors change to conform to those regarded as desirable and appropriate for his or her present and future role in any particular society.” — Encyclopedia of Infant and Early Childhood Development, 2008
It is of my belief, that Americans have been socialized to avoid sustained eye-contact with strangers. Exceptions exist of course. But exceptions exist in most, if not all observations. And in a country this big, there are bound to be tens of millions of Americans without the slightest discomfort at being stared at. In my day to day life within the city, I’ve noted far more people of the former category, than the latter though. I can’t speak to the American socialization experience, but it’d be irrational to think it doesn’t exist. Americans have been socialized in a particular way. These glimmers of their sociology are what my observations pertain to.
Disclaimers
Before I go on, I will make two disclaimers.
This essay is based solely on my personal experience and feelings. I think there’s importance to stating my mind on an open, archivable forum, where I can see it 5 years later. In future I may pursue the research to further understand the knowledge on this particular topic. If that day comes. Expect an update to this piece.
I don’t think the American culture pertaining to my observations is bad just because it’s different from my own comforts. The people in New York are happy the way they are. I don’t think they have to change. I will speak honestly on my frustrations with this culture, though.
Investments — Part I
Years after making my first observation, and years after openly voicing it to a wide range of Americans, who have all validated my claim with their own perspectives, I sat down for a beer with one of my closest friends.
A Master’s level, working Economist, not one to brush away an interesting topic. An American. Over the years, he eventually ingrained the knowledge in me that Economics is not simply about ‘Money’. A g̵o̵o̵d̵ passionate economist is one interested in human nature. Using trade as their micro (and macro)scope. Being a Bachelor’s level Political Scientist, he wasn’t in unrelatable company. To say, he was the person I came to last week when I had had just about enough of bearing my frustrations alone about how Americans act.
I started the conversation on my claim about American eye-contact between strangers. A conversation we had already explored by this point. A good base point from which I could further elucidate my thoughts.
‘Its upsetting how aloof people in the city can be. Even when they’re interested in something, they make an effort not to look at it.’
It took more verbiage than that, but eventually I was able to make that point clear.
“So what are you trying to say?”
‘It’s like that with everything. You have to be dispassionate to earn someone’s attention.’
“It’s American Reverse-Psychology. The less you [show] you care. The higher in demand you become.”
I don’t just add the ‘show’ there to commandeer his point. The conversation was explicitly about the facade of indifference Americans tend to show. In conversational social situations, and otherwise. Irrespective of gender.
That was my second observation. There’s a certain perception Americans try to cultivate while out in the world. That their attention is costly, and you better earn it.
Investments — Part 2
https://lexica.art/prompt/00a9f3ab-621d-4463-99b7-996959d1ac31 — AI Art
This expression of investment reaches far and wide, into most social settings where one could imagine encountering a stranger. But it’d be a dishonesty of omission if I didn’t claim I see it in situations between acquaintances too. That’s about as far as I’ll go on that claim, though.
Tying both of my observations together, what I am trying to say is that I’ve noticed Americans have a particular way of expressing their investment. It’s not that they aren’t interested in things. It’s just that showing that openly steps into the realm of faux-pas. Four and a half years of college, an inherently social institution, buffered me from that. Now in the working world, where most days outside of the office are filled with navigating the city, I can’t help but face the disconnect between my upbringing and theirs.
Funnily enough, when Americans are removed from their nation and touch down in another, they become the biggest friendly’s one could meet.
Fool’s complain. Slightly smarter fools may complain, but always learn. 5 years later in New York and I’m still learning. Being on the right track is learning and doing. I’ve learnt I have much to do.
An Experiment
At this point, I think it’s only fair I open up the conversation to the wider American pool. I’ve made some contentious accusations. And I’d like to hear your thoughts on this topic. Where do Americans land on the investment spectrum within their home turf? And what counter or additive points do you make, to paint a more accurate picture.
For this conversation, my dm’s are open. @yugovex on Instagram.
To my friends
My intention in this was never to bash. Feel free to chat if I’ve really struck a nerve.
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I think I like the freedom of penning essays on my own time. There will be more to come. Until then,
Adieu
